Forks, Crossroads and Decisions

Have you ever been in a situation where you know what needs to happen, but the reality of everything makes it difficult to actually take proactive steps? Where it would be so much easier to just sit back and let life happen as it wishes, instead of doing something to make improvements? Where it would be easier to sweep the issues and difficulties "under the rug" instead of exposing and addressing them for the hope of a better future?

This may not be the last, major, monumental crossroad I face in life...goodness knows there will be more to come...but I certainly feel that it is the first. Sure, there have always been decisions along the way, and people could make the argument that whenever a choice needs to be made, there is a crossroads; which choice will you pick? But this is the first time that I truly see the two options as having some form of severe consequences, and the decision must be based on which set of consequences will have the better outcome in the long run.

It would be easy to say that I'll just remain in one place and deal with the consequences that may occur. I've dealt with them my whole life, why not deal with them for a little while longer? Or, indefinitely longer? Well, the problem with that could be as simple (or complicated) as risking my own health. Is that worth it?

The other option I see is to make a life for myself, travel to a very different place, and live. Not that the previous option automatically equates to death, that's not what I'm saying. But have you ever experienced the difference between living and existing? It may not seem a whole lot different, until you have experienced it for yourself, and then you wonder why it took so long to acknowledge the difference. Of course, the consequence of this could be spending more money in order to get established and cutting some ties with people. No small feat, and definitely not easy...but at least I could actually live. Right? There could be a falling out, but would the benefits of this change be enough to outweigh the cost of the ties?

Then, of course, there's the middle possibility, which is completely terrifying. What if I make all these plans to change and do something different, and they all fall through? What happens then? Will I be a failure?...A liar?.....Hypocrite?.......Chicken?.......... Yeah, terrifying.

So may decisions to make, and so many have a limited time of validity; either job applications require being available within the next 60 days (aka, not for the fall), or I need to wait and see what happens with the Showcase. So many factors that are up in the air, and so many of them cannot be nailed down until (at least) next month.

How is this all going to work?