I am coming to grips with the fact that God is going to use this summer to stretch me. And it is not going to be pretty or easy. Between numerous failures in the line of car shopping - cars not matching what I'll really need, having extremely high mileage already, being too expensive, or just having rust/mechanical problems - and a few previous plans continually falling through...well, I'd say that gets frustrating. Couple this with the stress and pressure of living at home again, and you end up with some minor health issues kicking in....just like back in high school and the early years of college breaks. Over-exhaustion, general weakness, feeling dizzy and lightheaded, etc. Awesome.
Now to find something to take away these shakes.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Caught in the Headlights
Is this what it feels like when you have a hold payment on a car, will be taking it to a mechanic to be checked, and could possibly be the owner by tomorrow night??
WEIRD!!!
WEIRD!!!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Forks, Crossroads and Decisions
Have you ever been in a situation where you know what needs to happen, but the reality of everything makes it difficult to actually take proactive steps? Where it would be so much easier to just sit back and let life happen as it wishes, instead of doing something to make improvements? Where it would be easier to sweep the issues and difficulties "under the rug" instead of exposing and addressing them for the hope of a better future?
This may not be the last, major, monumental crossroad I face in life...goodness knows there will be more to come...but I certainly feel that it is the first. Sure, there have always been decisions along the way, and people could make the argument that whenever a choice needs to be made, there is a crossroads; which choice will you pick? But this is the first time that I truly see the two options as having some form of severe consequences, and the decision must be based on which set of consequences will have the better outcome in the long run.
It would be easy to say that I'll just remain in one place and deal with the consequences that may occur. I've dealt with them my whole life, why not deal with them for a little while longer? Or, indefinitely longer? Well, the problem with that could be as simple (or complicated) as risking my own health. Is that worth it?
The other option I see is to make a life for myself, travel to a very different place, and live. Not that the previous option automatically equates to death, that's not what I'm saying. But have you ever experienced the difference between living and existing? It may not seem a whole lot different, until you have experienced it for yourself, and then you wonder why it took so long to acknowledge the difference. Of course, the consequence of this could be spending more money in order to get established and cutting some ties with people. No small feat, and definitely not easy...but at least I could actually live. Right? There could be a falling out, but would the benefits of this change be enough to outweigh the cost of the ties?
Then, of course, there's the middle possibility, which is completely terrifying. What if I make all these plans to change and do something different, and they all fall through? What happens then? Will I be a failure?...A liar?.....Hypocrite?.......Chicken?.......... Yeah, terrifying.
So may decisions to make, and so many have a limited time of validity; either job applications require being available within the next 60 days (aka, not for the fall), or I need to wait and see what happens with the Showcase. So many factors that are up in the air, and so many of them cannot be nailed down until (at least) next month.
How is this all going to work?
This may not be the last, major, monumental crossroad I face in life...goodness knows there will be more to come...but I certainly feel that it is the first. Sure, there have always been decisions along the way, and people could make the argument that whenever a choice needs to be made, there is a crossroads; which choice will you pick? But this is the first time that I truly see the two options as having some form of severe consequences, and the decision must be based on which set of consequences will have the better outcome in the long run.
It would be easy to say that I'll just remain in one place and deal with the consequences that may occur. I've dealt with them my whole life, why not deal with them for a little while longer? Or, indefinitely longer? Well, the problem with that could be as simple (or complicated) as risking my own health. Is that worth it?
The other option I see is to make a life for myself, travel to a very different place, and live. Not that the previous option automatically equates to death, that's not what I'm saying. But have you ever experienced the difference between living and existing? It may not seem a whole lot different, until you have experienced it for yourself, and then you wonder why it took so long to acknowledge the difference. Of course, the consequence of this could be spending more money in order to get established and cutting some ties with people. No small feat, and definitely not easy...but at least I could actually live. Right? There could be a falling out, but would the benefits of this change be enough to outweigh the cost of the ties?
Then, of course, there's the middle possibility, which is completely terrifying. What if I make all these plans to change and do something different, and they all fall through? What happens then? Will I be a failure?...A liar?.....Hypocrite?.......Chicken?.......... Yeah, terrifying.
So may decisions to make, and so many have a limited time of validity; either job applications require being available within the next 60 days (aka, not for the fall), or I need to wait and see what happens with the Showcase. So many factors that are up in the air, and so many of them cannot be nailed down until (at least) next month.
How is this all going to work?
Sunday, May 9, 2010
"One Step At A Time"
I have heard this so many times in the past week, and to a certain extent, I understand the thought process. Things don't happen overnight, right? Everything is a process? Well, what happens when there is really only one choice, but the pieces of the puzzle are not completely lining up?
I have some options...yes, there is still the option of being a technician with the production company. Awesome opportunity! Truly, it is. There are two problems I see right now, though...
1. I may not be able to attend weddings that are going to happen within the next year.
2. I will be right back in this same situation (living at home) after the 10 month tour is finished, and will not have a car.
The other option I see right now is the possibility of moving out to Colorado, utilizing some connections for inexpensive rent, and looking for a job out in that area. There are also difficulties to this option...
1. I will need to relocate to Colorado, which not only costs a lot of money (mainly gas), but also requires driving across the country. A little crazy? Yes. Would it be worth it? Yes.
2. I may not be able to find a job in Colorado, then being left stuck paying expenses - rent, gas, insurance, cell phone plan, and college loans - without having a way to make ends meet.
Advantages to being a technician?
1. I would be traveling the country for 10 months, August through May, with all mandatory expenses paid by the company (housing, food, travel..). This would allow me to have the choice of pocketing the monthly stipend, or putting the amount directly against college loans; some element of financial and physical freedom.
2. I would have hardly any additional expenses for 10 months, with the exception of my cell phone plan.
3. Direct route to ministry with teens...even though drive-by ministry.
Advantages to moving to Colorado?
1. LIVING IN THE MOUNTAINS and having the ability to spread my wings a little and try flying, while being close to some of the most supportive people I know in case of insecurity.
2. Hopefully finding a job in one of the local theatres (or theatres about an hour away), or finding a more local job and auditioning/volunteering at a local theater...or two.
3. One step closer to my dream "job" coming true.... :D
These are the thoughts that keep flooding my mind, and I cannot seem to rectify them. No matter what I do, it will be life changing. I think the most difficult part at this point is trying to decide which option to pursue more heavily...and that is extremely terrifying.
Thank you, Jordin Sparks, for perfectly summing up how I feel right now....
I have some options...yes, there is still the option of being a technician with the production company. Awesome opportunity! Truly, it is. There are two problems I see right now, though...
1. I may not be able to attend weddings that are going to happen within the next year.
2. I will be right back in this same situation (living at home) after the 10 month tour is finished, and will not have a car.
The other option I see right now is the possibility of moving out to Colorado, utilizing some connections for inexpensive rent, and looking for a job out in that area. There are also difficulties to this option...
1. I will need to relocate to Colorado, which not only costs a lot of money (mainly gas), but also requires driving across the country. A little crazy? Yes. Would it be worth it? Yes.
2. I may not be able to find a job in Colorado, then being left stuck paying expenses - rent, gas, insurance, cell phone plan, and college loans - without having a way to make ends meet.
Advantages to being a technician?
1. I would be traveling the country for 10 months, August through May, with all mandatory expenses paid by the company (housing, food, travel..). This would allow me to have the choice of pocketing the monthly stipend, or putting the amount directly against college loans; some element of financial and physical freedom.
2. I would have hardly any additional expenses for 10 months, with the exception of my cell phone plan.
3. Direct route to ministry with teens...even though drive-by ministry.
Advantages to moving to Colorado?
1. LIVING IN THE MOUNTAINS and having the ability to spread my wings a little and try flying, while being close to some of the most supportive people I know in case of insecurity.
2. Hopefully finding a job in one of the local theatres (or theatres about an hour away), or finding a more local job and auditioning/volunteering at a local theater...or two.
3. One step closer to my dream "job" coming true.... :D
These are the thoughts that keep flooding my mind, and I cannot seem to rectify them. No matter what I do, it will be life changing. I think the most difficult part at this point is trying to decide which option to pursue more heavily...and that is extremely terrifying.
"Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch"
- Jordin Sparks, "One Step At A Time" -
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch"
- Jordin Sparks, "One Step At A Time" -
Thank you, Jordin Sparks, for perfectly summing up how I feel right now....
Friday, May 7, 2010
Land of Opportunity
In my last post, there was a list of three things that need to happen for the sake of survival.
Find a job. Find a car. Find an apartment.
Well, it now looks like there are some ends in sight to, possibly, all of these. Granted, only time will tell the extent of these options, but it sounds decent right now! Ok, here's the breakdown...
Job?
There are two grads from my alma mater (that so weird to type!) who have been working with a production company that travels to schools across the country doing presentations at their assemblies. They are currently accepting applications for their 2010/2011 tour, which is for ten months (August through May). The position would be titled "technician", which is a bit intimidating, but I would receive training for how to use all of the equipment and be partnered with someone else to travel the country. Food, housing and travel expenses would be completely covered by the production company (including transportation to get home for Christmas), and I would receive a decent income per month in order to save up/pay off loans from the past four years. Travel? Ministry? Youth issues? Ability to pay off loans? I think yes.
Car?
One of my friends studied Automotive Technology, and he is helping me look for a car. Or, rather, I find a car that looks good to the naive college grad, and he checks out the specs and gives his professional and friendly opinion. It's a really good system, actually. Right now, he is checking out a car online that looks like a legitimate option. If this works out, I could be a car owner by the end of the month. Of course, if I become a technician with the production company, a car would not be as important this fall, but certainly still important in the long run. Oh, and I'd have to learn how to drive stick, which is "special"...but you know what? I'd have a car, so, huzzah!
Apartment?
Well, this one hasn't changed a whole lot. I don't really have any prospects, as with the other two issues. However, and this goes back the the job option, if I travel the country for ten months, I may not need to worry so much about finding an apartment until next summer. Granted, idea of moving home after a ten month tour would not be ideal, I may be able to dodge that bullet by working at a camp for two months, or by crashing on a friend's couch. It may not be all bad, but of course, this heavily depends on the whole job thing.
That's the little update on my life. It may seem like a lot, but this really is just a small element to the whole "life after graduation" phase. At least I will be able to enjoy some aspects of the summer with a friend's wedding in early June, a talent showcase in mid-June, and then visiting friends in Colorado in early/mid-July. Needless to say, I am definitely looking forward to those activities, and the individual activities that will take place during those times. :)
Find a job. Find a car. Find an apartment.
Well, it now looks like there are some ends in sight to, possibly, all of these. Granted, only time will tell the extent of these options, but it sounds decent right now! Ok, here's the breakdown...
Job?
There are two grads from my alma mater (that so weird to type!) who have been working with a production company that travels to schools across the country doing presentations at their assemblies. They are currently accepting applications for their 2010/2011 tour, which is for ten months (August through May). The position would be titled "technician", which is a bit intimidating, but I would receive training for how to use all of the equipment and be partnered with someone else to travel the country. Food, housing and travel expenses would be completely covered by the production company (including transportation to get home for Christmas), and I would receive a decent income per month in order to save up/pay off loans from the past four years. Travel? Ministry? Youth issues? Ability to pay off loans? I think yes.
Car?
One of my friends studied Automotive Technology, and he is helping me look for a car. Or, rather, I find a car that looks good to the naive college grad, and he checks out the specs and gives his professional and friendly opinion. It's a really good system, actually. Right now, he is checking out a car online that looks like a legitimate option. If this works out, I could be a car owner by the end of the month. Of course, if I become a technician with the production company, a car would not be as important this fall, but certainly still important in the long run. Oh, and I'd have to learn how to drive stick, which is "special"...but you know what? I'd have a car, so, huzzah!
Apartment?
Well, this one hasn't changed a whole lot. I don't really have any prospects, as with the other two issues. However, and this goes back the the job option, if I travel the country for ten months, I may not need to worry so much about finding an apartment until next summer. Granted, idea of moving home after a ten month tour would not be ideal, I may be able to dodge that bullet by working at a camp for two months, or by crashing on a friend's couch. It may not be all bad, but of course, this heavily depends on the whole job thing.
That's the little update on my life. It may seem like a lot, but this really is just a small element to the whole "life after graduation" phase. At least I will be able to enjoy some aspects of the summer with a friend's wedding in early June, a talent showcase in mid-June, and then visiting friends in Colorado in early/mid-July. Needless to say, I am definitely looking forward to those activities, and the individual activities that will take place during those times. :)
Monday, May 3, 2010
Graduation?
Well, I did it...along with some of my closest friends. May 1, 2010...
What do I think of the experience so far? It's not all that many people crack it up to be... Honestly, it doesn't feel that much different, except that I had to pack up 4 years of my life into two cars (we had to rent one) and transport it 800 miles across the Midwest to the good old region called...New England. And what's next? It's a combination between a few different things....
1. Find a job (loans are going to kick in all too soon, and it's slightly essential to survival)
2. Find a car (to drive to/from work, wherever that may be...essential to survival)
3. Find an apartment (essential to survival. period.)
Prayers appreciated! Because I don't feel equipped for this part of the adventure!
What do I think of the experience so far? It's not all that many people crack it up to be... Honestly, it doesn't feel that much different, except that I had to pack up 4 years of my life into two cars (we had to rent one) and transport it 800 miles across the Midwest to the good old region called...New England. And what's next? It's a combination between a few different things....
1. Find a job (loans are going to kick in all too soon, and it's slightly essential to survival)
2. Find a car (to drive to/from work, wherever that may be...essential to survival)
3. Find an apartment (essential to survival. period.)
Prayers appreciated! Because I don't feel equipped for this part of the adventure!
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