Lessons from the Sower

Since graduation, my life has become 100% about ministry in the church, and it's kinda crazy. Three out of the seven days in a week are spent doing something ministry related. One of those days, Sunday, has more than one ministry on the same day. Most people would look at this and say "you're crazy! Aren't you burning out?" Well, to be honest....I love it! Being able to serve with others is an amazing privilege. One that I would not wish to trade. Unfortunately, it may become more difficult to be so heavily involved in ministry once I find a job (sad day), but in order to keep ministering in such ways, a source of income will be needed! At some point over this next year, I am likely to become more involved in ministries as well. I have been approached to possibly help with a drama ministry, and also know that Dove Singers will begin in January and run through April (two Sundays before Easter). My life is about to be completely consumed with ministry, and the part that hurts the most is knowing that something may need to be cut back with the addition of a job...whenever that happens.

Tuesday night, I was struck with this even a bit more during the Youth Bible study. The group has been going over Bible study fundamentals (observation, interpretation, application), and this past Tuesday was the application night. It was great to hear some of the questions and comments that were raised and shared.

Tuesday night we were discussing Matthew 13, specifically the parable of the sower and the seeds. Here is a copy of the text (Matthew 13:1-9, 18-23. NIV):

"That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake. Such large crowds gathered around him that he got into a boat and sat in it, while all the people stood on the shore. Then he told them many things in parables, saying: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop - a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. He who has ears, let him hear. ... ... Listen to what the parable of the sower means: When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is the seed sown along the path. The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away. The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown."

Alright, without going through all of the individual steps of Bible study right here, I'd like to share what stands out to me in this passage.

First, the sower didn't stop and think about whether the soil was "ready" for the "seed" in any of these instances. He went out and did his job of sowing the seeds on all soil. How many times, as Christians, do we sit back wondering if a person is ready to hear the Gospel? Unfortunately, I would say too many times... The sower went out, did his job, and left the individual responsibility up to the individuals.

Second, and this will sound similar to the first in the beginning, the seeds were sown everywhere...no matter what. This reminds me of the passage where it says "man is left without excuse" (Rom. 1:20). The evidence of God is everywhere; in creation, in beauty, in people (we are all made in HIS image), and it should be in the lives of those who love Him. The attitudes and behaviors of Christians should also be such that people are left without an excuse. Yeah, that's not convicting at all....

Third, verse 9 ends by saying "he who has ears, let him hear." This is again said at the end of the seven letters to the seven churches in Revelation. I'm not entirely sure what the parallel between Matthew and Revelation would be, but I do know that this (once again) places the responsibility on the individual. The Truth is displayed for all to see, but it is up to each person as to whether the grasp the Truth, and then it is up to the individual as to what they do with the Truth. Much like the seeds and the soil in the parable, itself. Hmm, full circle, double smack upside the head, anyone?

Fourth, have you ever considered the size of a seed? I realize that different types of seeds come in different sizes. For example, a squash seed is far smaller than a pumpkin seed. I get that.... But have you ever considered the size of a seed, any kind of seed, to the size of a weed? Or perhaps the size of a garden? Or maybe even the size of road? Some roads stretch clear across the country! If seeds are to be planted, and to grab people's attention and make them go "oh what's this?" shouldn't those seeds be rather....potent? Shouldn't those seeds be some of the most interesting seeds ever? Then what are we doing, as Christians, sitting around and not getting outside of our own doors and interacting with people?? No wonder the world thinks we're so mysterious and almost like a cult! Along with this, the sower had to go out! He didn't wait for the soil to come to him! Oh no, he went out into the world of soil and said "here, if you're interested, this seed will be sitting here. If not, well, someone else will take it, I'm sure."

Fifth, we need to be tending to our own gardens, as well as sowing seeds, to make sure that we do not become overrun with weeds and thorns. We need to make sure that, as we are sowing seeds, we are not allowing our own gardens to be polluted by things that will choke out our plants. We are commanded to be ready to give answer as to the hope that we have (1 Peter 3:15), how are we supposed to be ready if our roots have become shallow and our gardens have been overrun by thorny weeds?

Brothers and sisters, we have been called to be in the world, but not of the world. Please, let us sow the seeds of His Word without hesitation. Let us stop living in such a way that gives men an excuse for not encountering Christ. And let us hold each other accountable for tending to our gardens.

Let us do as we have been called. Let us be the Church. Let us be found faithful.

I've heard it so many times....

"You can't steer a car that's not moving."

"You can't sail a ship that's not sailing."

No matter how you phrase it, the point is this: If you are stagnant, not moving, how are you going to know where to go? I have heard it a lot over this past year, and then heard it a bit more over this past week when visiting friends in Colorado. The reasoning behind it is understandable, and even more with getting used to driving a stick-shift car, but sometimes I get stuck in a rut of comfort.

Throughout this past year at school, I started to second guess the idea of going to grad school. Last summer, it sounded great! If I'm good at something (being a student), why stop? It seems logical, right? But then senior year started and I quickly started to burn out on academia and just lived for the weekend, the next break, the afternoon nap where I could shut off my brain...something that didn't require a lot of thinking of productivity. Some people would blame this on senioritis, or just laziness, and it could be chalked up to that in a lot of cases. But I notice a distinct pattern in my life: I like comfort! Comfort is awesome, and can be found in many places. A good cup of coffee/tea/hot chocolate, a good book/play, a favorite movie, your favorite scented candle, a fuzzy blanket, a good conversation, a prayer, a bear hug from a good friend, a back massage, a bubble bath.... The list could go on and on, and I definitely like comfort. But sometimes I wonder if this could be a bad thing. Everyone needs a little comfort now and then, but when comfort becomes the norm, does it lose its comforting effect? If you always watch the same movie for a sense of comfort, wouldn't it get redundant after a while, and not really comfort you when you feel like a tornado just destroyed your life?

Grad school had become a comfort idea. I mean, after 16+ years of school with high school and summer jobs sprinkled throughout the experience, school had become comfortable. Get up, go to class (if there was one before chapel), go to chapel, go to more classes, eat lunch, go to class, go to the dorm, work on homework or sleep, go to dinner/chill with friends, do homework, watch a movie, go to sleep (maybe). Repeat 5 days of the week, maintain a (not so) steady diet of cafeteria food, and *poof* you are a college student. After a while it just become routine. Predictable. You expect to have class in the mornings and afternoons, you expect to have chapel at 10am Monday through Friday, you expect to either spend time with friends or do homework over the weekend. It's all routine. Nothing by routine. Especially by the time of senior year. This is why I was hesitant to continue thinking about, and pursuing, grad school. Was I just wanting more routine? Was I just wanting more predictability? Those ideas quickly went away.

Now it's after graduation. I'm sitting here in my room, still unemployed, following the predictable schedule of volunteering at church with the music team and youth group. Why? Well, because I love volunteering in those positions. Also because some people would probably cry if I didn't help in some respect. But it's routine. If I could live like this for the rest of my life, would I? Nope. Because at this point, I have been so trained to be active, even if in a routine of the same approximate schedule every day, that I cannot stand sitting around home. "Get a job" some of you may be saying. Well, that's a bit easier said than done. In case you hadn't looked recently, the job market sucks. I mean, it royally sucks. "Something is better than nothing." Well, that may be true for some people, but I don't want to do just "something." I want to be a part of something great. Something awesome. Something so big that I know it has to be God orchestrating everything, and not me taking things into my own hands and playing with the clay of my future. Nope, I need to feel small (in a healthy way) compared to everything else in the world.

How does someone do this? They move to Colorado! "Wait, what?! I thought this was about grad school??" Well, it is....the grad school that I am really liking at this point is located in Denver. I have checked out the website, looked at the different programs they offer, and have now requested information. Yup. I'm taking a step and trusting that God will work out the details.

Remember, "You can't fly a plane that's not running." And I don't want to fly...I want to soar!

Where [my] Passion Meets [the world's] Need

A Summit-ism, and specifically a John Stonestreet-ism, is that each person needs to find "the place where your passion and the world's need meet." Well, I had to actually put some of this on paper, and as frustrating and painstaking as it was, I am so glad that it was required. Throughout my final semester at school, it quickly became clear that what I thought was my desire was not really that "perfect" of a fit. Then, I started evaluating things more, using the SHAPE model: Spiritual Gifts, Heart/Passion, Abilities, Personality, Experiences.

My passion is to see teenage girls no longer fall through the cracks in the church. Too many times I have seen girls who are scared to talk about their struggles, or are shunned and rejected if they choose to speak up. This happens, 9/10 times because the church does not know how to respond, and because the girls are so terrified of rejection and admitting their struggles. I have a passion to help girls who are falling through the cracks, the girls who become alienated because of life circumstances (especially some of which are not entirely in their control), who are left to fend for themselves. Why? Because I've seen girls go through this, and I have been through it myself. I have been the girl to keep her struggles a secret because others would have met the situation with criticism, rejection, and hostility. I have been the girl who just wanted to be loved and I have had plenty of roller coaster experiences to know that sometimes all you can do is cry when someone asks how you are doing.

What are some of the specific situations and struggles that come to mind when thinking about the church running away? Eating Disorders, Parental Divorce, Abuse (of all kinds), Self Injury and Mutilation, Drug and Alcohol Addiction...just to name a few. Heavy subjects? Yes. Definitely. But how many times has the church fallen away from being the true Body of Christ, supporting each other and bearing each others burdens?

I would love to use theatre as a way to raise awareness of these issues in the church, and then have a giant house set up over the summers for girls who are struggling to come and stay with me....along with full time staff to assist in eating correctly, designing personalized work out routines for the girls who want it, counseling staff, nursing staff, small group leaders, etc. Not only this, but it would be even more amazing to have all of this established in the middle of the Colorado Rockies. Why? Because Colorado is in the center of the region which ranks highest for suicide, specifically among young adults.

This is truly my passion, and I get excited just thinking about the idea of being able to help girls in these situations! The difficulty is knowing how to approach all of this ambition in such a way that it may actually come to fruition.

So what's the next step? Well, considering that I still have not heard a response from the agent in NY after emailing him a few times, I am starting to consider alternatives. No, this is not giving up on acting, this is trying to not stand still for too long. So, I am checking into grad schools that offer programs in order to help me reach this goal. Preferably, a ministry degree that will certainly cause a stretch in my abilities and thinking...but a friend recently challenged me to consider other degrees as well, such as business, so that I would be more qualified to actually run the place and not box myself in too much. Valid points, especially since I'm already boxed in with a dream that contains a huge start-up cost, and a recent degree that does not exactly make it easy to attain this dream. So, yes, grad school is once again on my radar, and possibly even stronger than ever before.

So that's me. That's my passion. That's my desire. Where does the world come into this? How is the world supposed to take Christians seriously when we don't even take the very commands of the Lord we worship seriously? The world needs to see that Christians take care of each other. The world needs to see the evidence, the proof, of our love. The world doesn't care what we have to say when our actions don't match up. That's how Christians get the reputation of being hypocrites. And honestly, especially with seeing how the general church reacts to the situations I named earlier, the world can't be blamed for the reputation. Christ said the world will know Christians by their love....so where is it?


"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."
- Jesus Christ, John 13:34-35

Forsaken Chances, Missed Opportunities

I'm sitting in a Colorado cabin at Summit Ministries in Manitou Springs (right next to Colorado Springs), and it is beautiful! I have been able to spend time with old and new friends, go on adventures, and notice parts of my own life that, quite frankly, are heartbreaking.

Being exposed to this extremely friendly and very western mindset (not in the cowboy sense, but come on, it's Colorado!) has forced me to realize that there are so many opportunities and chances that I missed in life...whether because of my own decisions or the consequences of a decision by someone else. You know what? Some of these realizations are difficult to deal with, and they suck. The main one has come to the forefront of my mind since yesterday, and that is the opportunity and chance to have an amazing relationship with a father. Yes, of course I have a father....hello, I was born, wasn't I? But some of the guys out here have been so encouraging and supportive, without even fully knowing me...but they see me around and say "Hey, how are you? Did you have a good day?" And then honestly want to know! It is so radically different from back home where people say things like that all the time, but don't really want to know an answer. Realizing that this kind of support and encouragement does exist in the world, even if only in this little part of the world, is both amazing and heartbreaking.

It is amazing because I have not truly experienced it in a place like this before, and it is incredibly encouraging to know that it does exist. However, it is heartbreaking, because I feel as though much of this experiencing is so enlightening because of never having this kind of support and encouragement from a father in my life. There are some men who have stepped up and done they're best to fill the role of a father, and that means so much! But there is still something to be said for not growing up with a consistent, reliable, godly father figure to turn to in the difficult times. Once again it feels like there is a gaping hole in my life, and I feel so alone and vulnerable.

I want a real father in my life so badly....is that so wrong?

Relationships vs. Singlehood

Something that I have been wondering about a lot, and long before graduation ever occurred, has to do with the way that culture seems to view people who are in relationships and people who are single. Specifically, the Christian community. I have noticed a distinct pattern in my own life, and also a pattern that seems to be apparent in the lives and attitudes of others. Now, before anyone gets offended, I am going to re-emphasize that these are general observations, and not to be taken as the hard and fast "categories." Also, I don't have a problem with people being in relationships. I've dated before, so it's not like I'm a completely naive person coming at this situation, these are just questions and observations that float around in my mind.

Now, in my own experiences, I noticed that during times when was dating someone, other around me suddenly took my words with more value...or that's the way it appeared. It was like "oh, she has a man in her life, she must be important and have something worthwhile to say." It was weird, in one way, and totally absurd in another. Since when do people in relationships automatically have their lives together? Aren't relationships formed of broken people coming together? Anyways, it was bizarre, to say the least. But then when the relationship ended (or went on a break, since we were together three months later), the value of my words also seemed to end. The way people perceived and treated me seemed to take a downhill turn, and then my confidence slipped as well.

Did my worth and value suddenly go down the drain? No, not really. But it sure seemed that way.

Now in the Christian community and culture, it seems like young adults who are single fall through the cracks a lot. In churches, there are often groups for youth and adults, but the adult groups are usually full of married couples or singles who are 30+ in years. Nothing inherently wrong with that. My question is, what about the younger singles who need help adjusting to the world right after college? What about a "young adult" or "college and career" group? That would be so beneficial to the community as a whole, instead of the college kids - and recent grads - seemingly falling between the cracks? Fortunately, I am blessed with a church family who says "nope, you're serving [here] this week and [there] next week." While it would drive some people completely insane, I enjoy being tossed into certain ministry situations and serving with others. I'm so thankful that people placed me in those ministry positions before even leaving for college, because otherwise, I probably would have slipped through a few cracks.

More than that, there seems to be so much pressure coming to get married young and not remain single for too long, because you're "running out of time." Well, I have to admit, that I started to believe this while still in my senior year of college. It was far too easy to believe. "What if I don't meet him here? Will I meet him anywhere?"...."Should I go to a Christian grad school to increase my chances of meeting him in a Christian environment?"...."Will I die an old maid?"...."If I don't have my 'ring by spring' does that mean something is wrong with me?"...."Is there really something wrong with 'single seniors' like myself?" So many questions would flood my mind, and it would start to interfere with the happiness of my friend's engagements and new dating relationships. I would pull out the theatre training and try to cover it up, most of the times a very limited number of people could see through the mask, but it wasn't healthy. Emotions and feelings would be stuffed so deep inside that I would end up releasing them late at night, in the form of tears upon my pillow. I would awake to the sound of my alarm going off and realize that my pillow was still damp in some places. No exaggeration.

It seems to me that there is an unhealthy stigma with being single. If someone is in a relationship, they either have their crap together or are very close to working through any issues that may need work. But, if a person is single, it automatically seems like something must be wrong with them, because otherwise...they would clearly be dating someone.

Then there's the attitude of getting married just being the "next step" in life. When I graduated from college, my sister graduated about two weeks later, and then we had a joint graduation party. It was just a simple cookout (or as simple as it can be with a cookout) and we invited people of different age groups. I noticed, almost immediately, that some of the adults had this innate desire to play matchmaker with the younger folk. It was weird. Not only that, but I received a crystal ring holder as a present. It's specifically to hold a diamond ring.... This is not an assumption, I was told this by the person who gave the gift. Now, don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful ring holder. I certainly hope to use it one day. But the idea of getting engaged and married being the "next step" in life...almost like it's expected...? I'm one of the first people to say that, ultimately, I'd love nothing more than to be a wife and mother....but having those as expectations that others place on me...? It can seem rather uncomfortable sometimes.

Does anyone else have to fight against this attitude? Why do you think there is such a difference in the ways that people are treated, based on their relationship status? Have you ever experienced this in your own life?