God Never Wastes a Hurt....Or Challenge

It's really no secret that I have experienced a lot of hurt in life, or that it has been a long journey from college freshman to college graduate. This journey was long because of pride, shame, fear, and scars. Looking back on the first semester of college, I was very....fearful. This was not fear of being in a new place, but rather fear of being "discovered" and that people would see through my mask of being happy. Did I like the school? Yes, absolutely! The problem was that I was hiding, and still wrestling with, very tender issues. I was scared that people would be able to see through the exterior facade and see the interior darkness. I was not following God the way I should have been. I was not being honest with very many people. I was not being honest with myself. Throughout the following years, I would be forced into situations that would break down walls I had hidden behind for a long time. Leading up to graduation, and in more recent times following graduation, many people commented that I have "changed so much" and that I am "not the same person." These are comments that I have thought before, but to hear others confirm the ideas and notions is reassuring.

Now that graduation has passed, though it is still close, I can still see how God is using the hurts from the past in order to transform me into His image. Bold. Strong, if not in emotions and physique, in opinion and values. Contemplative. Free. These are just a few of the adjectives that could be used now, which could not really be used a few years ago. With all of these changes, it seems as though a new challenge is in line for the "next step" of life. Admitting this is a bit intimidating, in a sense, because I have the tendency of being a creature of habit. I like knowing if there is a plan. If a plan does exist, I like to know details, or at least some concepts and landmarks. But, God does not work on my timetable, nor does He do things according to my ideal plan. Believe me, it doesn't happen. Many situations have taught me this, sometimes in very difficult and brutal ways (remember: pride, shame, fear and scars). Throughout this learning process, God has used my personal experiences in order to help others through their difficult times. He has used my pain to provide different perspectives on life. He has used my pain to show me true freedom from the past, and that is a beautiful thing!

So where does the challenge come in to all of this? Well, as if wrestling with my own past and forcing myself to face certain forms of ugliness and evil weren't enough, there is a new challenge that has risen out of this journey. That challenge is this: So what? So. What. What am I going to do with this journey? Where can I fuel these realizations into a ministry of service to the rest of the Church? Very good questions that I think we all need to answer in order to continually serve the Body of Christ. My answer? What am I going to do? Right now, I am looking into graduate schools offering programs in leadership and ministry. Why? Because there is an entire people group that is being lost within the Church; the teenage girls and young women who experience excruciating pain and turn to alternatives of dealing with this pain. I have witnessed too many fall through the cracks because of eating disorders, self-injury, drug addiction, depression, alcoholism, etc. It's time something was done. It's time young women had a safe, secure place to turn for assistance and support in overcoming these hurdles, without only hearing they need to "read the Bible and pray more" or having their salvation called into question. It's time they had a place to turn for a holistic approach to ministry, not just putting a band-aid over the gaping wound, but dealing with the infection which has caused the sore. It's time.

We all have passions. (What are you passionate about?) We all have a calling according to God's plan. (Where do you see a need that is being neglected?) This is mine. (What's yours?)