Relationships vs. Singlehood

Something that I have been wondering about a lot, and long before graduation ever occurred, has to do with the way that culture seems to view people who are in relationships and people who are single. Specifically, the Christian community. I have noticed a distinct pattern in my own life, and also a pattern that seems to be apparent in the lives and attitudes of others. Now, before anyone gets offended, I am going to re-emphasize that these are general observations, and not to be taken as the hard and fast "categories." Also, I don't have a problem with people being in relationships. I've dated before, so it's not like I'm a completely naive person coming at this situation, these are just questions and observations that float around in my mind.

Now, in my own experiences, I noticed that during times when was dating someone, other around me suddenly took my words with more value...or that's the way it appeared. It was like "oh, she has a man in her life, she must be important and have something worthwhile to say." It was weird, in one way, and totally absurd in another. Since when do people in relationships automatically have their lives together? Aren't relationships formed of broken people coming together? Anyways, it was bizarre, to say the least. But then when the relationship ended (or went on a break, since we were together three months later), the value of my words also seemed to end. The way people perceived and treated me seemed to take a downhill turn, and then my confidence slipped as well.

Did my worth and value suddenly go down the drain? No, not really. But it sure seemed that way.

Now in the Christian community and culture, it seems like young adults who are single fall through the cracks a lot. In churches, there are often groups for youth and adults, but the adult groups are usually full of married couples or singles who are 30+ in years. Nothing inherently wrong with that. My question is, what about the younger singles who need help adjusting to the world right after college? What about a "young adult" or "college and career" group? That would be so beneficial to the community as a whole, instead of the college kids - and recent grads - seemingly falling between the cracks? Fortunately, I am blessed with a church family who says "nope, you're serving [here] this week and [there] next week." While it would drive some people completely insane, I enjoy being tossed into certain ministry situations and serving with others. I'm so thankful that people placed me in those ministry positions before even leaving for college, because otherwise, I probably would have slipped through a few cracks.

More than that, there seems to be so much pressure coming to get married young and not remain single for too long, because you're "running out of time." Well, I have to admit, that I started to believe this while still in my senior year of college. It was far too easy to believe. "What if I don't meet him here? Will I meet him anywhere?"...."Should I go to a Christian grad school to increase my chances of meeting him in a Christian environment?"...."Will I die an old maid?"...."If I don't have my 'ring by spring' does that mean something is wrong with me?"...."Is there really something wrong with 'single seniors' like myself?" So many questions would flood my mind, and it would start to interfere with the happiness of my friend's engagements and new dating relationships. I would pull out the theatre training and try to cover it up, most of the times a very limited number of people could see through the mask, but it wasn't healthy. Emotions and feelings would be stuffed so deep inside that I would end up releasing them late at night, in the form of tears upon my pillow. I would awake to the sound of my alarm going off and realize that my pillow was still damp in some places. No exaggeration.

It seems to me that there is an unhealthy stigma with being single. If someone is in a relationship, they either have their crap together or are very close to working through any issues that may need work. But, if a person is single, it automatically seems like something must be wrong with them, because otherwise...they would clearly be dating someone.

Then there's the attitude of getting married just being the "next step" in life. When I graduated from college, my sister graduated about two weeks later, and then we had a joint graduation party. It was just a simple cookout (or as simple as it can be with a cookout) and we invited people of different age groups. I noticed, almost immediately, that some of the adults had this innate desire to play matchmaker with the younger folk. It was weird. Not only that, but I received a crystal ring holder as a present. It's specifically to hold a diamond ring.... This is not an assumption, I was told this by the person who gave the gift. Now, don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful ring holder. I certainly hope to use it one day. But the idea of getting engaged and married being the "next step" in life...almost like it's expected...? I'm one of the first people to say that, ultimately, I'd love nothing more than to be a wife and mother....but having those as expectations that others place on me...? It can seem rather uncomfortable sometimes.

Does anyone else have to fight against this attitude? Why do you think there is such a difference in the ways that people are treated, based on their relationship status? Have you ever experienced this in your own life?