Forsaken Chances, Missed Opportunities

I'm sitting in a Colorado cabin at Summit Ministries in Manitou Springs (right next to Colorado Springs), and it is beautiful! I have been able to spend time with old and new friends, go on adventures, and notice parts of my own life that, quite frankly, are heartbreaking.

Being exposed to this extremely friendly and very western mindset (not in the cowboy sense, but come on, it's Colorado!) has forced me to realize that there are so many opportunities and chances that I missed in life...whether because of my own decisions or the consequences of a decision by someone else. You know what? Some of these realizations are difficult to deal with, and they suck. The main one has come to the forefront of my mind since yesterday, and that is the opportunity and chance to have an amazing relationship with a father. Yes, of course I have a father....hello, I was born, wasn't I? But some of the guys out here have been so encouraging and supportive, without even fully knowing me...but they see me around and say "Hey, how are you? Did you have a good day?" And then honestly want to know! It is so radically different from back home where people say things like that all the time, but don't really want to know an answer. Realizing that this kind of support and encouragement does exist in the world, even if only in this little part of the world, is both amazing and heartbreaking.

It is amazing because I have not truly experienced it in a place like this before, and it is incredibly encouraging to know that it does exist. However, it is heartbreaking, because I feel as though much of this experiencing is so enlightening because of never having this kind of support and encouragement from a father in my life. There are some men who have stepped up and done they're best to fill the role of a father, and that means so much! But there is still something to be said for not growing up with a consistent, reliable, godly father figure to turn to in the difficult times. Once again it feels like there is a gaping hole in my life, and I feel so alone and vulnerable.

I want a real father in my life so badly....is that so wrong?