Decisions and Callings

Over the past few weeks, I have been struck with the reality that God is calling me to do something huge. Not just huge, but something that people will not understand, no matter how many times it is explained. It is something that I did not foresee happening, or being called to do, and it is something that makes me nervous and excited at the same time.

So many things over the years are seemingly coming full circle in the form of answered prayers. The prayers that received the response of "wait" so many years ago are now receiving the response of "here you go" in the adventure of a lifetime.

This is going to take a lot of faith and a lot of trusting God to work everything out the way He desires, just as all of life should. I tried to resist this, but it is not happening - if anything, God is continually pushing me in this direction. Now to follow HIS calling... trusting that all the details will work out, and that the brewing storm will subside in due time.

Just when I thought this part of life was figured out, God throws a massive curve ball and says "Nope, I want you over here. No, not over there...over here. Right now." And then I go, "Really? Right now? But what about.... OK. Never mind that thought, even though You already know what it was, it's invalid to this situation. Alright, here I am, send me. Now how do we get there?" To which He responds "Patience, child. My grace is sufficient for you. Believe Me in this time that is difficult to understand, for all involved. I love you and will not let you fall. Believe in Me and My perfect will." So then I calm down and say "Ok, Abba. Thank You!"

It is beautiful to see how God is working in all these situations....

"I hate the ACC"

Working in a restaurant, you really get to see the other side of the food industry. To many, this may seem like a really basic "duh" statement, but to me it speaks volumes as to the reputation of Christians.

Over the past few weeks, I have been working regular shifts at my "home" restaurant (the one the hired me last September), and picking up shifts in a sister restaurant closer to home. Throughout this journey of working in the food industry, I notice the opinions and assumptions that people form of those who go to church.

One comment about working a Sunday lunch shift in a restaurant, and you will hear some of these opinions and assumptions. One of the servers at my "home" restaurant commented that she would be working Sunday afternoon, and that it better be busy, because otherwise she won't make rent. Then she realized that she probably wouldn't make rent anyway, because of the "After Church Crowd" (ACC). This made the other hostess crack up and start imitating what the typical "ACC" member would sound like when ordering.... "Yes, I'll have the baked schrod with no butter, no breadcrumbs, no lemon. And I'll have the rice and broccoli. But make sure the rice is really well done, but not overcooked." They had a good laugh out of it, before commenting "I hate the ACC."

I can hear the thoughts now... "Why didn't you say anything?"..."Why don't you report harassment?"..."I can't believe they would say such a thing!" Well, you know what, harassment was the last thing in my mind at this point. My immediate reaction was disgust. But not at my fellow employees. My disgust was with the Christians who give everyone else a bad name in the restaurant. With the Christians who rather leave tracts, instead of tips. With the Christians who do not show mercy or understanding when the food may not be exactly how they ordered it (regardless of how picky they are being when ordering). With the Christians who don't tip well because they don't have the money on-hand. And with the Christians who don't understand that waitstaff is counting on YOUR TIPS to make ends meet from week-to-week, because they get a base pay of maybe $4/hour.

Do Christians realize how their actions impact the very souls they are trying to lead to Christ, when they leave a tract instead of helping someone pay for rent? Do Christians realize how offensive that is to the waitstaff? If you want to leave a tract, I can't stop you, but at least leave a decent tip as well. And by decent, I do not mean 10%. If your total bill is $40, and you tip 10%, the server is only getting $4.00 out of the entire bill. If you sit at the table for an extended period of time, and the restaurant is busy, leave a little extra - you are occupying extra space where they could have made more money.

Don't expect the server to be perfect and then knock off some of the tip percentage because of one mistake. Was the mistake resolved? Awesome! Did you bring it to their attention in a polite way? Trust me, you don't want to know what is said after you leave, if you did not respect the waitstaff! They are helping to take care of you, so why don't you take care of them in return, okay?

Be courteous. Treat them with respect. And for goodness sake, leave a good tip. Did you know that most servers count on 20% as being standard? Leave 15% and you're considered rude. Leave less than that, and they'll call you stingy. Don't be part of the "ACC."

If you want the server to make it worth your money, make your money worth their time.

Chapter After Chapter

I still cannot believe that it was over one year ago that I walked across the stage to receive my diploma from Cedarville University and become a college graduate. It baffles my mind to think that four years of college education came to a conclusion, and that I started the next adventure, over a year ago. Now, all the students who entered as freshman during my sophomore year have graduated and began their next adventures in the world, and the youth that I started working with last year are graduating. Where does the time go? I feel as though so much time has passed, and yet no time at all. Is that strange? So many of my friends are now married or engaged, others are preparing for college, and some are going on to grad school. Many of my friends are living their dreams - the same dreams the talked about during our years in college.

I attended the graduation party of one of the youth group girls this afternoon. She is someone who reminds me a lot of myself in some ways - she loves acting and modeling, and is going to take a year off in order to afford college education, to follow her dreams. I may not have taken a year off, but I did insist on following my dreams, and it is because of this, that I see a lot of myself in her. I only pray that she will continue to remain close to God throughout all of these new adventures, and that she will always follow her dreams - no matter what.

On the drive home, I began to think back to my own graduation party five years ago. (Dang, was it really that long ago...?) So many people were supportive of my wanting to attend Cedarville, supportive of my wanting to be involved in theatre, and were convinced that it was the place God wanted me to be for four years. I think back to the cards that were received, which I still have in my room, and all the encouraging notes that were written. Notes of how God was going to use me for big things in the future, reminders of how strong I have become over the years, and encouragement that there would be many prayers for my continued strength and faith in Christ. I remember feeling so loved, so treasured, so much like everyone wanted to see me succeed.

Now that I've graduated, what am I doing to live out those warm wishes for success? It seems like so many warm wishes are given around graduations, but what about the rest of the time? Of course we all need encouragement around graduation, and it's awesome to know that others are celebrating with us - believe me, I am not downplaying the importance of sharing in such excitement! I am merely wondering why it is that so often we don't (or just "forget") to encourage and share in the excitement of day-to-day life? Doesn't everyone need some encouragement during the difficult times? Doesn't everyone like to know that others are celebrating in the little victories that make a huge difference in future? I think we should always be willing to share an encouraging word, pray with a friend who needs it, and celebrate with those who have triumphed over a challenge...even if it seems small to the world.

Maybe I'm just feeling this way because, even with having a four-year degree, I am still working in a restaurant. Maybe it's because I don't really feel like I'm using the knowledge that was poured into me during those four years of college. Or maybe it's because I recognize a need that should be filled in the world, and that friendships should be treasured - because new adventures come along, and sometimes those new adventures take people away from us.

God's Will is Always Perfect....

....even when we don't understand. This is one of the most difficult facts to understand sometimes. I suppose that is why it is called faith. Believing in what you cannot see, certain of the things you cannot explain.

God is good.... He has brought a wonderful man into my life and I cannot wait to see him again. Yes, we are long distance. Yes, it is difficult. Yes, God is good. We talk on the phone every night for at least a little while - sometimes that means a few hours (thank you nights and weekends!), and sometimes it is only a few minutes. Regardless of how long we talk, or what we talk about, it is a blessing. I am proud to call him my boyfriend and cannot help but smile when we are together....even when only connected by the sound waves of a phone. Yes, God is good and takes us by surprise to prove His goodness.

God is good.... He has provided a job that has been enough to sustain bill payments being made on time, though not always comfortably. No defaulting on loans has happened, and that is a blessing. He has allowed me to travel to weddings and to see the boyfriend in Penn. God is good. He has provided and proven Himself faithful....again and again.

God is good.... Even though we do not understand why a little girl was taken Home at such a young age (not even one day old), He gave her parents time to hold and love her outside of the womb. God is good. the delivery was successful. God is good. He shows His love through the prayers and encouragement of others. God is good - His will is perfect - even when we don't understand. God is good. I don't understand why this has happened to two people who are very special to me, but it has... All I can do is pray for them, even though I would much rather drive to see them in Virginia and love them the same way they loved me during difficult times in high school. Even with wanting to do more, and feeling so helpless to do anything, God is good. He will use every situation in life to prove His faithfulness. He will use the hurts to prove His sufficiency. And if we understood everything that He will do with these situations, we probably wouldn't believe it could happen anyway. So for now, I trust that He is working in the background. Working in ways that we cannot see. Working to make the next chapter and scene beautiful. Working to produce gold out of our tarnished lives. Working. Working....

When I cannot believe the visible circumstances, I believe in the invisible God. He is better than all else. He is all we need. He is ALL!

Service Oriented Business

It wasn't too long ago that I had wondered how to incorporate paying student loans with serving and encouraging my sisters in Christ. Now, it appears that God is opening a door (or two) for this to happen. I am becoming a business woman. Weird right? Well, it's happening. I can't even begin to explain how many times each day I bounce between excitement and anxiety over this new adventure. This is a risk, especially with not getting many hours at the restaurant and having a few hundred dollars of loan payments due in a few weeks, but I know that God is in control and that I am joining a strong group of women who have walked this path before. This is something that excites me and causes me to process and plan in a way that I have not experienced since changing majors in college. The blend between excitement and anxiety is intimidating, but exhilarating. I am opening my own business, from this little house where I grew up and learned so many other life skills, and it's going to be a challenge.

Speaking of it being a challenge, this is not something that I can do on my own. Please pray for me as I embark on this journey and let me know if you would like to be involved in other ways as well. There are other ways to be involved, and if you would like to know more about those opportunities, please contact me (email, facebook, or cell phone) and I will be more than happy to share and discuss the possibilities.

Open Doors

It's no secret that sometimes I feel as though I'm walking down a dad end road, wondering when the opportunity to use the skills I learned in college will arise. Well, apparently, some of those opportunities are now being made known.

This past Sunday, my church held a Harvest Party as an alternative to halloween and trick-or-treating. Each year, the men have a chili cook-off, it's awesome! No really, a youth group member won this year, knocking out a reigning 3-4 year champion, it really is awesome! Anyways, backing up to the main point. Anyways, I was approached by the worship team leader about helping to coordinate and pull together the Christmas Eve service. In previous years, he and the worship team administrator have pulled it together, but the administrator doesn't have time this year. So, seeing as how I just graduated from a theatre program, they decided "hey, why not give her a platform to use her gifts and abilities to edify the church and glorify God?" So, I have now been asked to write the narration/story/script for the Christmas Eve service while the worship team leader works on the music aspect of the service, like recruiting a choir and pulling together the musical selections. Obviously, Christmas is is going to come up very, very quickly and there is not a lot of time to pull the service together.... BUT! I am very thankful for this opportunity to use the gifts that God has given and the skills that have been learned and practiced over the past four years! :D

In other news, one of my friends from school has recently been cast in the role of Mark Cohen in RENT! Yup, the awesome (though sometimes controversial) musical about artists, AIDS, and the new millennium. Remember, as the playwright and lyricist (Jonathan Larson) said and incorporated into the music: "The opposite of war isn't peace; it's creation!" Anywho, since he was recently cast as, essentially, the lead (because he narrates everything and is in most every scene) of the play...and because I did my final project for dramaturgy on this play, he said that we will probably be talking a lot in the near future. So excited for him to have this opportunity of playing the complex, adorable, quirky role of Mark! Also excited to have the opportunity and privilege of helping him develop characterization and gain knowledge of the history of the play!

God is so good!

"Guard Your Heart"

A lot of times, mainly in Christian circles, whenever someone says "guard your heart" it is in regards to relationships....and then begins the list of what to, and not to, do in order to achieve said guarding: Don't get too close. Do be careful. Don't give too much away. Do protect your emotions, etc. The list can be seemingly endless, and it certainly doesn't seem helpful to those who are single at the time. In the devotional that I am working through right now ("Single Purpose" by H. Norman Wright. Amazing. Get it.) there is a day with the title "Guard Your Heart." Naturally, growing up in the Christian community and knowing that this devotional is specifically geared towards singles, the list previously mentioned immediately started going through my mind, and I was tempted to skip to the next day's reading. However, that would have left a pit of guilt in my gut, even though God and I would be the only ones to know it was skipped, and so I read it anyway. It was greatly surprising how the author took a cliche phrase and turned it around to talk about worry, instead of directly talking about relationships. It was awesome! The whole reading was about protecting your heart from worry and becoming overwhelmed by worrisome thoughts instead of focusing on God and that He will provide His perfect peace to those who maintain a focus on Him.

Here is a little excerpt from the reading:

"Worry is best represented by the familiar scene at the Snake River in the Grand Teton National Park in Wyoming where colonies of beavers live along the riverbanks. Often you can see trees that are at various stages of being gnawed to the ground by the beavers. Some trees have slight rings around their trunks where these busy little animals have just begun to chew. Some manifest a barrenness where several inches of bark have been eaten away; others have already fallen to the ground because the beavers have gnawed through their trunks. Worry can have the same effect upon you. It can gradually eat away at your heart and mind until it has destroyed you!"

[SINGLE PURPOSE, H. Norman Wright. Page 45.]

Ok, I know that doesn't sound very encouraging. But reading this paragraph made me, a self-proclaimed worrier at heart, really stop and think about all the things that I let bother me when some of those things really don't matter. Oh, ok, so I may have made a tiny mistake at work. Whoops. "Mistakes can be fixed" as one of my co-workers told me in a pep talk. The devotional then points to Psalm 37, which is powerful!

"1FRET NOT yourself because of evildoers, neither be envious against those who work unrighteousness (that which is not upright or in right standing with God).
2For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb.
3Trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) in the Lord and do good; so shall you dwell in the land and feed surely on His faithfulness, and truly you shall be fed.
4Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.
5Commit your way to the Lord [roll and repose each care of your load on Him]; trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) also in Him and He will bring it to pass.
6And He will make your uprightness and right standing with God go forth as the light, and your justice and right as [the shining sun of] the noonday.
7Be still and rest in the Lord; wait for Him and patiently lean yourself upon Him; fret not yourself because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked devices to pass.
8Cease from anger and forsake wrath; fret not yourself--it tends only to evildoing.
9For evildoers shall be cut off, but those who wait and hope and look for the Lord [in the end] shall inherit the earth.
10For yet a little while, and the evildoers will be no more; though you look with care where they used to be, they will not be found.

[PSALM 37:1-10, AMP]

The devotional is quick to point out that this passage gives a substitute to worry; Rely on God. Trust in Him. Depend upon His peace. The challenge, and practical application, is to write "STOP!" in huge letters on one side of a note card. On the other side, to write Philippians 4:6-9, the whole text. Whenever you find yourself starting to worry, find a quite place, hold up the card with the "STOP!" side facing you, then turn it over and read the verses out loud. Do this twice. Of course, if you cannot find a quite place to be alone, you can still do this, through the book recommends doing it silently if you are in a group ;)

To be completely honest, I do struggle with worry....of many kinds. It could be worry about my own (physical) life, worry about others, worry about situations that may or may not happen, worry about finances, worry about family members' health, etc. It can be easy to be overcome with worry when looking at the grand scheme of things. Or, looking at one side of the grand scheme. When focusing on the REAL grand scheme of life, why worry about these things? Not to sound as though I don't care about financial independence or the well-being of my family, because I do care! My point is this: Worry is an attack on faith (something else the devotional pointed out in a different reading). Why would I worry about these things if I truly trusted that God is in control? Honestly, I probably wouldn't. Therefore, I am making a goal for myself, to actually make a personal STOP sign and carry it with me. At work, in the car, in airplane flights (goodness knows I worry about those!), everywhere. In fact, it is high on my to-do list for tomorrow. Considering that I am giving this challenge to myself, I would also like to give this challenge to everyone else who also struggles with worry (and most of us probably have at one time or another).

6Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
7And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
9The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

[PHILIPPIANS 4:6-9, NASB]